


the sum of your parts

by withoutwords



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Mental Illness, Mostly Fluff, Psychology, Some angst, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 09:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9485438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutwords/pseuds/withoutwords
Summary: Aaron gets a cheap little notebook atDavid’s, with spiraling at the edge. It fits in his pocket with a little persuading, and it takes him a while to get used to the weight of it. He takes it out, puts it away, and takes it out again - but it’s days before he can actually bring himself to scribble anything down.As part of his therapy, Aaron’s asked to write down the things in his life that make him happy.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this was a prompt given to me by smittenwithsugden over at [my tumblr.](http://thefancyspin.tumblr.com) thank you so much for the positive reception over there. I thought I'd share it on here too.

 

_~~olivia~~ ~~liv~~ being liv’s brother_

Aaron gets a cheap little notebook at _David’s_ , with spiraling at the edge. It fits in his pocket with a little persuading, and it takes him a while to get used to the weight of it. He takes it out, puts it away, and takes it out again - but it’s days before he can actually bring himself to scribble anything down. Even then he can’t make it work - all his words seem disjointed and cliche and hollow.

“What’re you doing?” Liv asks, flopping down onto the couch, Aaron almost popping his shoulder out trying to jam the notebook back in his pocket.

“I thought you were with Gabby?”

Liv pulls a face. “No? She’s doing some naff hair thing with her mum, I donno. What’s with you?”

“Nothing,” Aaron says, munching on his thumb nail, the notebook jutting into his thigh. He can feel the sharp edge of her gaze - they’re so much closer now, she always wants to know he’s okay.

“Has anyone told you you’re a totally crap liar?”

“Yeah, prob’ly around the same time I told _you_  to stop saying that word.”

“Oh, sorry,” Liv scoffs, rolling her eyes like it’s an Olympic sport. “Has any one ever told you you’re a totally _sh_ \- ”

“Oi!” Aaron jabs at her with an elbow and she pushes back, cackling, and he wonders how he’s ever supposed to explain this in words. How he has flesh and blood and family, but _this_ is different. 

(“Oh, God, what now,” Robert says when he walks in to find them, but he’s grinning, his eyes light and playful like he’s ready to be pulled in to the silliness.

“Robert lets me say crap!” Liv cries, and Aaron chucks a cushion at her.)

This is his whole world.

 

 _ ~~mum~~_ _~~being a son~~_   _finally being close to my mum_

They’re starting to collect so many boxes now that they’re running out of space to put them. (Aaron just laughs every time he hears Robert’s string of curses down the hallway, tripping on them whenever he comes out of the bathroom.) It’s not until his mum’s giving him pointed looks and saying things like _we’ll have to start charging for storage, next_ , that they start making a proper move to pack.

“What’s this?” Chas asks, picking up Aaron’s notebook from where it had dropped onto the floor. Aaron snatches it back so fast he thinks he hears it rip.

“None of your business!”

“ _Sorry_ ,” she says, throwing her hands in the air. “Grump. It was a simple question.” 

“It’s nothing” he says, this time a little quieter, and shamed. Part of the whole process was to understand himself, and this life, a little better. Maybe sharing it with his mum would be okay. “It’s just - I just have to write some things. You know. For my sessions.”

“Oh, right.” Her smile is soft, and not invasive, and Aaron feels his body unwind a little, the pressure easing. “Well that’s good love. I’m glad you’re doing it.”

“Yeah.”

Chas pauses, her mouth stuttering like maybe she wants to say something, like maybe she wants to go off on one of her usual rants about how proud she is, how she knows he can do it, how he deserves every inch of happiness in the world. Instead she grabs him, and hugs him and _squeezes_. “I love you.”

Aaron squeezes back. “I know.”

 

 _ ~~friends~~_ _~~adam and vic~~_   _mates,_   _family_

Adam’s taking a loo break at the Woolie while Aaron scribbles a few words down, _Adam, Vic, laughs, pints_  - then crosses them out. He tries again - _simple things like having a meal, and a pint_ \- but crosses those out too, and he knows it’s counter productive. He knows he’s not supposed to think about it this much.

But he does. That’s just him.

“What’s this?” Adam chimes in, making his way around to his seat. “Working on your own _Harry Potter_ , eh?”

Aaron quickly puts the notes away, feeling his treacherous skin heat up. “Just work stuff.”

“Work stuff? I told you not to go over that without me, I’m -” 

“No, no, it’s not that. Just some notes. Reminders, y’know.”

“Right,” Adam says slowly, giving Aaron a look but not pushing the matter further. “You and Rob are still comin’ round for tea tomorrow, yeah? Vic’s going all out so if you don’t show it’s on your heads.”

“She doesn’t need to - ” Aaron starts but Adam shakes his glass at him.

“Hey, you think I didn’t tell her that? You gotta let her be sometimes, man.”

“Right, well. We’ll be there.”

“Nice,” Adam says with a wink, clapping a hand on the table. “Get ready to be smashed on the PlayStation mate.”

“Are you serious? Are you forgetting last time?”

“Last time I was _trolleyed_ , what’re you talking about?”

Aaron hoots, kicking Adam under the table, and he doesn’t really notice right now but he will. He’ll feel the weight of the notebook, the words, start to get a little lighter. Everything’s starting to get a little easier.

 

_~~work~~   ~~the scrapyard~~   enjoying what I do_

Some days he doesn’t mind the early start. It’s quiet out in the yard, save a far off truck now and then. The sky’s a crazy mix of pinks and blues and greys, and his breath clouds white as he huffs, throwing heavy scrap from pile to pile. He likes the physical stuff, the toil, he likes crawling into bed at night and feeling tired to his bones, ready to sink into sleep, truly content.

He likes having something to call his own.

“Just you, then?” Paddy asks when he comes in to the portacabin, stretching his neck around the door. Aaron’s too busy organising papers to even look up from his desk.

“No, Paddy, Adam’s just in the back room fixing some tea and biscuits.”

Paddy comes all the way in, closing the door behind him. “Alright, funny man, no need for that.”

“If you’re trying to avoid Robert, why come ‘ere?”

“Well,” Paddy splutters. “I wasn’t actually. I just wondered if you need any help.”

“Seriously? You wanna put a vest on and come shift some heavy metal?”

“Heavy metal! Ha!”

Aaron squints at him. The top of his head is going tomato red, and he’s doing that weird shuffling thing with his feet. Aaron could read him from a mile away. “Is this about mum?”

“No! No. I just, wondered if you wanted to chat. You know. You were telling me the other day about the lady you were seeing.”

“Oh, right. That.” Aaron finally gives up on what he’s doing, throwing his pen down in surrender. “Well, no, thanks. I’m good.”

Paddy’s giving him that look, like the last thing he wants to do is give up this line of questioning. But he’s getting better. He’s beginning to understand Aaron’s not alone any more. That Aaron _knows_ he’s not alone any more. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” he says, and the truth of it twists warm around Aaron’s heart. He never used to be sure of anything. “Things are great.”

“Great. Well.” Paddy claps his hands together. “What was that you were saying about tea and biscuits?”

 

_~~robe~~ ~~my fiance~~ ~~sugden-dingle~~ ~~dingle-sugden~~  robert_

Robert likes the way Aaron’s stubble scratches at his neck. He chuffs and squirms when Aaron traces fingers low on his belly. He pushes Aaron against walls, and through doors and onto beds - but he likes to be pushed, too. He likes to tell Aaron what he likes and how he feels and how much he enjoys it, how much he wants it, how much he loves Aaron. 

Aaron feels cherished. Revered.

“So, I was doing the laundry,” Robert tells him as he comes through from the back, Aaron munching on some toast and reading the paper.

“Nice. Gold star for you.”

“Hilarious,” Robert says dryly, but when Aaron looks up to grin at him he realises Robert’s holding up his notebook. He plops it down in front of Aaron on the table.“Sorry, I didn’t mean to see it.”

“No, uh.” Aaron scratches at the back of his neck, feeling the heat there. He drops the paper to pick it up, curling the corners between his fingers. “I should’ve shown you.”

“Why?”

“I just - don’t want you to think I’m hiding anything.”

“Aaron that’s.” Robert shakes his head a little, pulling out a chair to sit and leaning in close. “There will always be things we don’t tell each other. And I know how you feel about sharing.”

Aaron laughs, short and soft. “Says you.”

“What? I love talking about my feelings.”

“Oh, yeah? Since when?”

“Since, yesterday. You weren’t there.” They smile at each other, Aaron clutching at Robert’s knee, his insides filling, and filling and filling. It’s always like he’s going to burst, with Robert, sometimes with anger, sometimes with lust, most times with this. Happiness. 

“Hey,” Robert brings a hand up to clasp at Aaron’s neck, giving him a little shake. “You can tell me anything. Everything. You know that.”

“Yeah,” Aaron agrees, leaning forward to press their mouths together. His lips linger. “I know that.”

 

_love_

“You seem to have a lot of this,” Jo says gently, tracing Aaron’s last word with a finger.

Aaron shrugs a shoulder, one side of his mouth quirked up in a smile. “I guess I didn’t need to write the rest.”

“Maybe.” Jo passes it back to him. “But you did.”

 


End file.
